ArkWatch

This was posted in 2006 on the Nonkinsense blog. Recently, there has been yet another Noah's Ark siting claim, I have decided to repost it here. [Edited from the posting on the Nonkinsense blog.]

In August 2006, during a taping of "This Week In Atheism," we (the panel of two others and myself) commented on an article regarding a certain Dr. Bob Cornuke of the Christian Worldview Network. Dr. Bob had just returned from Iran with what he claimed is "stunning evidence they may have found" Noah's Ark. [For decades certain Christian fundamentalists have been claiming that the Ark is located on Mt. Ararat in present-day Turkey. Nevermind that virtually every piece of "evidence" brought back was either inconclusive, refuted, misinterpreted or blatant lying about scientific proof and a false claim that the Turkish government had authenticated the find.]

What this means is that, apparently, having failed to legitimize the site in Turkey, they've moved the location to Iran. Since the Ark seems to be moving from place to place, I have asked viewers to please let us know if they've seen it. Thus, I inaugurated "ArkWatch." So, we have been asking viewers on almost every show, "if you've seen Noah's Ark PLEASE let us know."

OK, how do you know if you've seen evidence of Noah's Ark? Surprisingly, you don't have to be WARSHED IN THE BLUDDA JESUS, but it helps.

The following items or conditions COULD qualify as evidence that you have encountered Noah's Ark:

1. Two pairs of dead animals.

2. Two pairs of live animals.

3. Two pears.

4. An impression in the ground or rocks roughly in the shape of a very big boat or you actually see a very big boat or you can do an impression of a very big boat.

5. An impression in the ground or rocks roughly in the shape of the ribs of a very big boat.

6. An order of ribs.

7. An original 45 RPM disk of the 1961 release, "Gypsy Woman," by The Impressions.

8. One or more large oval stones with drilled holes in the top indicating that they could be anchor stones.

9. Just the holes.

10. You're stoned. (See Item #9)

11. A picture of the Ark taken from space.

12. A picture of Noah taken from space.

13. A picture of Noah taken taken from space during karaoke night while singing the 1961 release, "Gypsy Woman," by The Impressions.

14. You realize that if you repeat the word "ark" at least five times quickly you've pretty much nailed Popeye's laugh.

15. You wake up hung over and realize that you pretty much nailed Popeye and to make matters worse, there are now FOUR dead animals.

Keep your eyes peeled because Noah's Ark could be coming to your neighborhood!

Sincerely,

The Arkmeister